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Saturday, July 03, 2004

ydae was depressing. nothing went rightt. ahhh. it started off badly. cos of chi listening comprehansion. which totally suck to the max. it was so tricky and hard. disastrous. when listening compre is suppose to be chicken.. and suppose to score a lott dee. wad the hell. i was so devastatedd. cos most of my answers were different from the rest. and i jus sat there. leaning against the wall. andd stonee. waahhh. wanted to cry so much. but i din.. and walked awae.. blardiee. butt i cried in front of my juniorss. i din wan to dee. but was so overwhelmed by emotionss. soo throw facee. first time cry over exam. n is listening compree. -.- no face liao.
denn went sports hall. talked to coach.. ha. quite weird la. cos he was sort of tellin me his xin shi. i am like a kid and like not of ani help. buttt he still tell mee. =)) i like to listen to pple thou. *bigg grinss* lala` mm did hww toodaee. in school and at tp. actualli i realised that i can work perfectly weell alonee. cos no distraction.. no one talk to mee. but i cant stay at homee. cos got food! aha. =x so mus go outt. yay! and went tp read one book. how to get over the blues and depression. and it sort of helped me unds myself beta. ha. so all along. i was depressed. and i din noe abt it. yahh. and i haf trouble handling with my feelings. i haf tendency to give up in response to stress and blame myself when things go wrong.. love to jump into negative conclusions abt myself after disappointment. so the solution is get real wif myself. and reach out for pple to encourage me.. yahh. quite truee. but still. *shrugs*
campfiree was a success. butt i wasnt feelin okayy. yaahhh. =( thats whie ydae was depressin. lala` did tried to enjoy. cos i din wan to spoil the moodd. everyone around me was soo happy. and i am jealous! the happier they are. the worse i feel. cos i haf to pretend. to pei he them. feel so empty manns. bahh. wadeva laa. i wasss like thinking. last yr i screwed up the campfire. this yr mus be happyy. but horrr. haiyas. hopes all dashedd. =\ stupid la. feel so lousyyy. nvm. mus self console. yay! mus be happpy. if not i wil lead a miserable life. thats whie. i choose to pretend. nvm. u wont unds. i am tryin to be more understanding.. to minimise conflicts.. cos i duwan to waste time n worse still haf sad memories when i look back in future. but it seems to me that i harder i try. the harder it is. thats the trouble of carin too much. actualli there is no nidd for such complication. neither do i unds. =(

shedded at 8:48 PM